Hard Bible Questions Pt2: Hell and Why Would God Create the World if He Knew it Would End?

Hey again! Time for more Hard Bible Questions.

Question number two:

"If God knew the beginning from the end, and therefore knew He would destroy earth and create a new heaven and earth in the end, why did He create this one? What is His purpose here?

Also, when Satan is bound by a great chain and thrown into the abyss in Revelation 20, and it is known that he must be set free after a thousand years one last time, what is God's purpose there?"

My answer:

I was speaking about this with one of my friends recently at my Small Group, and she put it very eloquently. There are essentially two answers to the first question, but the first comment is why God would make such a world if He knew we would fail at keeping His commands, and that is simply: Love. It might be ironic to say so, but the second part of that question about making THIS world specifically is again: Love.

God is Love. That not He is just LovING, but He is Love itself. Love Incarnate. And from the Biblical understanding, God is three Persons in One. He is simultaneously alone and has never been alone and the only reason we can really see why He’d create us is because He wanted us. He wanted to share Himself and His love with others, and He chose to create us.

But here’s the thing: If God is Love itself, it is NOT Loving to give someone free will but then NOT give them another option. In order for us to experience Love in its fullness, we have to choose it. Love is emotional, yes, but it isn’t only an emotion. It is a choice, an action, a commitment, a submission to another in the fullest since of the world which enhances not only their existence, but yours. But this love is ONLY possible if there is the option to not choose it.

In order for us to know love, God had to create a world in which there was the opportunity for us to choose Love, which means we also need to have an option to choose not to love. Likewise, in order for us to know Goodness, there unfortunately has to be a way for us to know what a lack of Goodness is and means and feels like. It isn’t that God created Evil. God could not create evil. He is Goodness itself. But because He is Goodness itself, that stands to reason that anything not of God is… well, not Good.
This all goes back to the Love. In order for us to know God and know Love and know Goodness, in order for us to experience true love, there has to be a choice. And as it stands, there are only two choices: God (and ergo Love, and ergo Goodness) or not God (and ergo Hate, ergo Evil/Wrongness). Kind of like Darkness; darkness doesn’t exist outside of Light. If there was no light, there would be no darkness, because it is only by having the Light do you even know what darkness is in the first place.
And if someone’s going to choose to love you, and choose to spend time with you, and love you for who you are, you cannot force them to love you, you cannot force their hand and then call it love. That is manipulation, that is puppetry, that is evil. That is not good and it is not God. It is good to choose God. But it is also good to be able to choose. Because it is only by Choosing that we can even have true love at all.

As for the question regarding Revelation: Lort hap merceh, lol, who can ever truly understand Revelation?! It is quite an awesome book. I have studied it only once, and I desperately wish to study it again. But I’ll give this my best shot. Keep in mind, when it comes to Eschatology (study of end-times), there are a myriad of different opinions and views and interpretations of this book. But I think it behooves us to remember that Revelation is an apocalyptic, which by ancient Near East definition, is a literary style full of allegory and metaphor, and there are disagreements between certain metaphors and how to interpret and apply them. All this to say… I personally find the topic fun and interesting and the discussion as a whole isn’t really foundational for my belief in Christ (I say this ironically, as 2020 plus joining a Biblical church covering Revelation at the same time was one of the strongest solidifying factors of my faith lol).

Okay, but to the question:
The devil being bound for 1000 years and then released. To be honest, I am not sure. It says in the NIV that after the thousand years of the saints reigning with Christ is over, the devil will be released to deceive the nations in all four corners of the world (Gog and Magog are culturally representative of oppressive rulers). To be honest, I am not sure why this would be the case. God is God; Satan acts not by His will but by His permission, and once the end of times comes… there really isn’t a battle. Satan isn’t a match for God. He is not equal to God and nor can he stand against God. So when God says, “yeah, we’re done here,” it’s going to be done. Over. Poof. If there is any sort of stand off, it’ll be more for us, to remember Who God is and Glorify Him in His power over evil, but not because there is actually going to be any legit battle going on. (In my opinion. I do not think it’ll be this epic battle of good and evil for the reasons I already expressed: Satan cannot light a torch to God and he is not God and it is only by God’s “permission” that he’s even still around at all]).

I do think this goes back to Eschatology and whether or not you or I believe we are already in the thousand years or not, or if you are pre-post- or a-millennial. I personally… *deep breath* I don’t know how to say this without sounding dismissive, but I don’t really care where we are. I know who “wins”: God. The ending and victory is already written because there is no actual battle to be had. If we are already in the millennium and Satan is already bound (which I personally kind of think he is, in a way, because he doesn’t and hasn’t and isn’t permitted to act in the way he used to prior to Christ’s coming as we see in the OT, and there’s argument to be had that Christ and His followers are spiritually reigning today), then… well, he’ll probably be released because the end hasn’t come yet, and God’ll let him round up the last of the non-believers for Him before He brings on judgement day. If Satan is not yet bound and we aren’t in the millennium, then as for why Jesus would let him go before just throwing him in the lake of fire… well. I don’t know. And I honestly don’t care either. It’s not that I don’t care. I do care. I love conversations like this and books and podcasts and documentaries and discussions, etc, but I don’t know enough. Given the literary genre of the Book and the fact that folks can spend a lifetime studying such things, I think ultimately: it’s a fun conversation to try to guess and be like, “Oh, snap, I was right!” or whatever about how God is going to ultimately, finally eradicate all evil and bring on the New Jerusalem, I do not think the reality of it matters, and so I don’t really give much more thought to it than that.

So. I apologize I don’t have a more fully-fleshed answer, but I don’t think the point here in this book is to be able to fully figure it all out. It is a word to keep the Body focused on what matters, to remind us there is hope at the end of the trials, and to remind us the cost of freedom, and God’s unrelenting willingness to offer chance after chance. Given the craziness that is Revelation: I still think I got pretty succinct lol.

*** I had a follow-up question on the post. This was the question and this was my long-winded answer.

"I have a question for your answer. I agree with you that without a choice, you would be manipulating someone to love you. Does that mean you believe there is still a choice in heaven? Could someone change their mind once they get there if they wanted?"

This is my knee-jerk reply (though I did spend some minutes thinking about this beforehand and did read it over before submitting, though it’s long and I touch on some things that I was hesitant to post. Of course, this is a reply I did just now, without having days to think on if I forgot something etc. Feel free to ask anything else, and if I can’t knee-jerk reply, I’ll tag you in the reply when I post it. And thanks so much for a follow-up question. I love having to think about such things to truly have a grasp of what we know and believe and think and why etc.
The short answer to your question is: I don’t know and I don’t think anyone here this side of heaven could, but even if you couldn’t, I don’t know why you would want to, given that God is literal Goodness.

Now for the long answer: Given the nature of your question, my answer might be mostly my opinion. But! What I do know is that God is Love, Goodness, Justice, Mercy, Righteousness, etc. He is everything that is good. If you can imagine something as Good, it is of God, given who He is and His nature. As my response above says: He IS Good, not that He just has good attributes. So, my reply to you is that: what would you be going to?

In order to reach heaven (which, in simple terms, is God’s kingdom and eternity with God, which is everything good), we are made righteous by accepting Jesus’s gift of salvation and following His ways. And because our sin/wrongdoing is covered in Him, we won’t combust (lol; for lack of a better word) in His presence. (There’s a reason angels and messengers of God and Yahweh Himself in the OT always start with “Fear not!” If we actually came face to face with God, the reality of our imminent destruction is obvious. Not, as my reply said, because God is going to smite us for the sake of smiting us, but because in His holy and completely Good nature, NOTHING anti-Good can exist, even in the slightest.)

In general though, I would say firstly: If you are in heaven and with God in what is wholeness and completion and goodness, my follow-up question to your follow-up question would be: WHY would you want to go? I, as a limited, finite human, cannot tell you if you will be able to change your mind later. Maybe? But where would you go? You’d be living everything you can imagine as Good. It’s not like heaven is some white-washed place where all we do is stand around and sing praises lol. That is an extremely faulty image of heaven and what it’s like to be in God’s presence. If you harken back to Eden, it is essentially what we all crave: lush, beautiful harmony between Man and Nature, nothing has to die for other things to live, there is no hate or fear or bitterness or death or sickness, there’d be PEACE, mentally and logistically, etc. So everything we crave right now in this world, that we yearn for, we had before the Fall. And after we die, being with God through Jesus is a restoration of that. So, if you get there, why would you want to leave? What would you be leaving the ultimate goodness and wholeness FOR?

But. That also makes me wonder if the answer is yes. Because you cannot force love, you must choose it, and Adam & Even sinned and chose to turn away before turning back (and that’s the beauty of God, because He let them [how much less have others sinned against us, and we struggle to forgive them, and all they might’ve done is lie to us?]). But then the damage was done, so God could no longer be in their direct presence…but it was for their sake, not His.

But let’s say you do want to leave, or let’s say you don’t want God in the first place: God WILL NOT make you stay with Him if you don’t want to be with Him. Many folks know Him and reject Him, and then ask why would he said what WE call good people to Hell? (Oh man, I’m getting into a tangent. I might have to make another post…). But therein lies another misunderstood principle. Hell is the absence of God. It isn’t that He is necessarily SENDING folks to Hell, at least in so far as I can understand it (though yes, there is talk in the Bible about the unrighteous being judged, because [this could be another post], God is also JUST, and the ONLY want to be Just is to have evil be atoned for; God would not be Just if He didn’t punish evil; He would not be Good if He did not punish evil; we would say it is evil to NOT punish evil, to always let bad actions go unpunished and for people to get away with every bad thing they’ve done). But by being unrighteous, we are already on the way there. (This is why we say Jesus “saves” us.)

Now, on this, some say it’s “unfair” that God would set a standard of goodness we couldn’t meet, but it is more nuanced than that (and that isn’t even touching on the definitions of our morals or what they are or how we got them). In our striving to be good, we keep failing *even to uphold our OWN standard of Goodness*, let alone God’s.

Even if you took God’s perfect Goodness away, we’d still fall flat. Most folks would say good people don’t steal, lie, cheat, demean, belittle, say bad things, wish bad things on others, cheat on their loved ones, harm their loved ones, but if we are all honest, we’ve all done that to some extent at some point, sometimes knee-jerk, many times intentionally and sometimes we don’t even care that, in our pain, our desire for revenge (which revenge is not justice), we don’t even care if it sounds mean or evil, because the other person “deserves it” or we “deserve” something else. The irony here is that we do not meet even our own standards of Good let alone God’s. But that’s why Jesus comes to save us, and that’s why we even say he “saves” us. Because if God is all good, then anything outside of Him is the opposite of Good, and we just can’t get there on our own (else this world wouldn’t be broken like it is. This isn’t pessimism; this is just looking and acknowledging things for what they are. If we could all do what we all know we “should” do, there’d be no crime or hurting hearts or fear or wars, etc).

So. I basically touched on something else which is serious and sensitive and even offensive to many, because we do not like to be told what to do or how to do it. But I’ll wrap up with this: as for if you could change your mind in heaven after this life, the answer is I do not know, but I know God will not force you to stay there if you don’t want to be there. Which ultimately leads me to believe that, while that might be an option given who God is and how Love works, I do not believe anyone who ends up in heaven with God would have desire to leave. Why would they?

Hard Biblical Questions #1 of... Many: Why would slaves believe in Christianity if their slaveowners did, too? (And oh yeah. Hi.)

 Hi. It's been ten years. No biggie. Here's a post like I never left:

The other day, I asked my FB for some of their hardest questions for Christians. I received a few from FB and few from my father, and elsewhere. I wanted to have a place to put them to record them for the long haul and while I have a blog for my book(s) that wasn't specifically my author blog. (Oh, hey, yeah; that book I said I was writing: I wrote it. I edited it. I revised it. I had folks read it and then I did it all again. And again. It's ready to be professionally edited then published, but I'm taking my time and writing a second book before I go down that rabbit hole. So. If you want to check out ANOTHER neglected blog, but one on which I plan to be more active as I develop this second story and finally start some type of online following, go ahead and check it out here. But I tell you. I'm not current over there, either. I just... these things just aren't my forte man... [fun fact: one of my clients told me today "forte" is actually pronounced "fort." Hunh].)

Anyhow. Here's the first of the Hard Biblical Questions. There will be the person's comment/question, followed by my response:

"How do black folks whose ancestors felt forced to convert, possibly out of fear or manipulation or desperation, by white missionaries, justify practicing Christianity today? Though I respect anyone’s religious choice I have always been baffled by this. 

Update: I did look into it a little bit, and white slave owners actually were afraid of their slaves converting because they were afraid they would see themselves as equal, and they actually forbade them from going to church in many cases. But nonetheless, I still have a hard time understanding how folks today (not the slaves, and many I’m sure did not convert) don’t dissect this more. I do understand culture and traditions are passed down, and their children and their children’s children may not have been subjected to the hypocrisy and contradiction of it like their ancestors. It’s a really interesting topic to me.

My question wasn’t regarding how slavery is viewed/explained by Christian theology/philosophy, but rather how African Americans justify their Christian practices/beliefs/traditions today knowing the history. Less of a theological question more of an anthropological question  Was hoping someone with an interesting perspective on being a black Christian would chime in!

Thanks for responding!"

My reply:

Thank you for your question!

First, let’s dissect your own question. You ask how modern-day black Americans (or black people in general) can be Christians when their ancestors were forced to convert by white people during the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade, correct? You are not questioning how the Bible defines slavery or addresses it, but how modern-day folks can believe something when the history of it seems so contradictory and hypocritical.

Assuming I have this question right, here goes:

Again, I thank you. I will speak directly for sake of clarity.

To address the first issue: Christianity being passed down or forced upon their slaves by white people.

               Christianity itself goes back to 0 A.D., the death of Christ, to the Man who split time in two (before/after his death; modern folks try to take Him out of it with using B.C.E. and C.E. but His death is still the historical event which denoted this separation). Christianity was originally called “the Way,” and the term Christians came about derogatorily by non-Christians, mostly by Romans and others who considered them a nuisance as they gathered to worship Jesus and celebrate love and forgiveness and encouragement in the face of oppression, and later the name was taken on by the believers themselves, but technically, early-Christians are better called “Messianic Jews,” for Jesus is their Messiah. As Christianity grew, it bled outwards west towards Egypt and south into Africa before spreading up to Europe and beyond.

Christianity, by its roots, is NOT a white-man’s-religion, but an ancient Near-Eastern, Middle-Eastern, if you will, neither black nor white. While yes, there have been some movements and wars and enforcing of this belief that utterly and completely contradicts what Jesus and the Bible teaches, we must remember to separate GOD and Jesus and the Bible from Humankind and its tendency to enslave, oppress, and belittle each other. This fact, that humanity has done such horrible things and Othered people since the dawn of time, does not mean it is okay or should be accepted or brushed off. But we need to remember that, while we all have moral rules and laws which govern our lives, we are and still remain human. We strive to do our best, sometimes we succeed, but many times, our own desires or self-interest gets in the way, and we fail.

The blessing of Christ: this is where the beauty comes in. Slaves (both during the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade [which again, only lasted about 150 years, whereas the slave trade in general had been going on for hundreds and thousands of years before Africans were involved] and earlier slave trades like the Arabic Slave Trade) were forced into a horrible existence. As for how they could be Christians when it was also the religion of those who owned them, that goes into who Jesus is and what having the Holy Spirit does for someone. He is the Comforter, our Counselor. They did not accept Jesus because it was forced on them (there are many practicing “Christians” today who are not actually followers of Jesus, but follow the lifestyle and culture… that doesn’t make them true believers). The reason behind African-Americans who were in the slave trade, many of the oppressed peoples today in China, in Africa, in the Middle-East, Indonesia, and across the world today (of which about 7,000 people or more are annually being killed for their Christian faith today in 2024), the reason all these people are Christians and follow Christ is because of WHO He is, what He does for them (gives them a hope, a future, not just in this life, but in the one beyond). Christianity is the only religion that has stood the test of time in regards to scientific, historical, philosophical, and social scrutiny. Jesus gets a bad wrap from a lot of people presuming to know who He really is, when they haven’t even met Him or read His words. I understand this part might come across a bit weird, because many who do not believe in Jesus think of Christianity as merely another religion, no different than another, when to us believers, He is a Person, not an idea. But the difference is that, in other religions, you must DO something to achieve your salvation or reach nirvana or become one with the universe. You go to God, in whatever form and method that means. With Christianity, God comes to YOU. You only need to admit that you keep making mistakes, aren’t perfect and can’t be, and accept His gift of salvation by trusting in Him and obeying Him (which sounds scary, but if you read His words, it’s like Mom saying “don’t play in the street because you’ll get hurt.” The guidelines are for our good, not our oppression). THIS is why I know—not just believe, but know—why descendants of slaves and other modern people believe and follow and rely on Christ as their Saviour. Because they met Him, gave Him a chance, and in the bleakest of days, in the darkest of nights, when their world was full of so much pain and darkness and when life’s meaning seemed empty or fruitless or ultimately unnecessary… He gave them a Light in the darkness, hope, and a life that extends beyond their (our) present circumstances and into an eternity of true, deep-seeded Peace, Love, and Joy.

Sources: the Bible (duh) [But seriously: If you haven’t yet, read the Gospels and Hebrews, then jump back and check out Exodus and see how God leads the Israelites out of slavery and delivers them into their new land, and then jump to Isaiah and how He shows up there. He’s pretty cool, this God).

Google: TransSarahan Slave Trade (dates back to 1500 or more, prior to Trans-Atlantic), OSU articles about Mediterranean/Trans-Atlantic/Faith slavery, JSTOR arab slave trade, Barbary slave trade (all this can be googled; I looked at too many lol), and more.

 

And even though it wasn’t the basis of your question: just because something is in the Bible does not mean it is condoned by God. God addresses things as they are and then instructs how they ought to be. In regards to slavery, most slavery in the ancient Near East was more of a form of indentured servitude, where you could “sell” yourself in order to pay back what you should have rightly been able to pay, but even then, it does not condone poor treatment. There are laws in Leviticus which outline the proper and good and just and kind treatment of such people, and there’s even a 7-year jubilee where all debt etc was void come every 7 years and all slaves and servants, etc, were released from their agreements. Just because people have failed in obeying God’s law or have even twisted it for their own purpose does not mean God’s law itself is flawed or permissive until evil acts. God, by His nature, is completely counter to all things evil, even in the slightest.

I would still encourage you to ask a Black Christian this question and see what they say. You may be surprised 😊

___

Alright! Well, there's that. I hope it blesses you.

And... we'll see if I keep this up. Who knows. I'm promising nothing.

But life is still good, God is still grand, I'm still a writer, and while the two cats I had when I last posted have passed, as well as have my grandfather, my mother, and my maternal grandmother (lots of pain and loss these last couple years), I have three other kitties who own my heart, and there's the goodness of God everywhere I look, and His joy suffuses me daily.

God Bless,

Jess

"Finding" Jessica

The question of who someone is tends to plague people's minds for a majority of their lives. First, when young, adults ask children what they want to be when they grow up. Do they expect the children to know a definitive, set-in-stone answer? Of course they don't. But nonetheless, the more often a child is asked, the more ingrained into their mind is the idea that they should know and be able to answer that question rather confidently by the time they reach what society recognizes as "adulthood" -- which we all should know that 18 years of age is far from being what one should consider "grown up". And yet, despite the repetitve questions of Who and What they want to be, should be, could be, the youth are typically then told something along the lines of, "Oh, don't worry about it -- you're young! You have plenty of time."


But as the cliche goes: time flies. Next thing they know, they're in their mid-twenties, fresh out of college after having chosen a pathway they belived themselves to desire based on which classes they enjoyed in high school and their first years at university, or based on what they've loved outside of scholastic studies, and -- now what? Studies show that most people don't even begin to have an idea of what they are truly interested in doing as a career until their mid/late-twenties, regardless of where their hobby-like interests lie.


This is what happened to me, but unlike the average child who will profess with absolute certainty that they want to be a veterinarian when they grow up, or an astronaut, or a police officer and then as life progresses, it inevitably changes - I was able to profess, with absolute certainly, that I wanted to be a WRITER . A novelist, to be exact. Screw history, screw geography, screw art - though it was fun - and definitely screw math! The written language is what I cared about. That and the stories that could be spun with them. I professed to be a writer, and so I have thus become.


Ah, but here's the funny thing. I still love to write. I write often, and read just as frequently if not more so, and am currently editing my first fantasy novel -- quite large, if I'm being honest. I was surprised when it was more than 700 pages, typed (although double-spaced) in size 11 font. Impressive no? Yes, well, now the real work begins. But I'm loving it! Truly, truly, I am. And you can certainly believe that I am continuing to read authors I admire for positive influence.


But back to that funny thing - Life. Oh, yes. As children and teens, we LOATHE our homework and our having to go to school, having to work in the evenings or on the weekends if we are "lucky" enough to have a job alongside our studies. But we had it SO GOOD. What was the biggest worry, do you remember, of being a teenager? Hell, of being a young adult in college? I'll tell you what mine was: does this shirt match with this skirt? Man I sure do love these shoes, but I swear I'll break my ankle. Does anyone REALLY know how to walk well in these monsters?! And the biggest worry? I sure as hell hope I chose the right field. I can get a job with this degree, right? I know this is what I want to do (my BA is in English Writing), but can I really make a living from it? People say English degrees are a waste. Are they? No. No they aren't. You can do anything with an English degree. You can also do nothing with an English degree... I won't do nothing. I'll be the next J.K. Rowling, by God! Oh whatever. The shirt looks fine.


I'd love to go back to those worries. Even when I was in school, I was still living on my own, paying bills, enjoying the freedom that adulthood provided without my mother's rules or curfew. But now I'm in my mid-twenties. And the irony is that although, YES, I LOVE TO WRITE AND ALWAYS WILL, and YES, I am currently writing/editing my FIRST (you better believe it won't be my last!) novel, my CAREER interests have taken a VAST CHANGE.


I used to hate science. I used to LOATHE health studies. Blah. Who cares. Now? I eat it up like candy. In the last 4-5 years, I've become a fitness fanatic, a health/nutrition/preventative wellness NUT, and I have my friends flocking to me for advice.


Great. Wish I knew back then that I'd love health sciences back when I was... oh... that was only two years ago that I graduated. Well, damn. Missed that mark, did I?


Oh, but it's never too late! Never too late to go back. And so that's what I'm going to go do. Maybe not as a full-time student - life won't allow that with those bills and student loan debt. (Not sure you all know this, but after 6 months of graduation, they want that money back.) But as a part-timer, maybe one or two classes a semester until I can get either another associates or a certification in nutrition/fitness/whatever.


I didn't make a bad decision. I made definitely, without a doubt, the right decision of which degree to get FOR ME. Too bad SOCIETY doesn't always agree with what you want. BUT. At least I've been able to find a SECOND passion. One that not only I love and obsess over, but that the world is (slowly) eager to embrace as well.


For years -- and I mean years... like, at least ten -- I stressed about what I wanted to do and if I was making the right decision and worried about "finding myself" in this crazy, so-many-options-to-choose-from world. But I'm over that. I never cared what people thought of me, but now I've grown tired of me worried about who I won't become. One tip I've learned so far in my short life: you'll never FIND yourself. You CREATE who you want to be. If you know you love something, but don't have a definitive answer on what, that doesn't mean you don't "KNOW." Start doing activities that fall alongside what you THINK you want and enjoy. I guess that's where the term "find yourself" came from in the first place, because your interests evolve. Well. I'm done seeking. I've searched this long, and even with years of real-life experience under my belt, I still couldn't find me. Because I already knew me, knew what I wanted, but I had let society dictate what I SHOULD do and SHOULD want. Screw them (no offense). :)


We'll see how well society accepts this version of me -- the real me -- without sway of what anyone else (even my loved ones) think or believe or recommend. All I can tell you so far is that my stress level has drastically gone down. I've always been happy, always been carefree and go-lucky, but with life and responsibilities, there's always that money thing, or that other thing, or maybe this other thing, hanging over your head. The things are still hanging. They still may fall on my head, but they're smaller now. What was a boulder that could possibly knock me out is now maybe just a small rock. I'm not using this decision as an excuse to not pursue things that I may not feel like doing at the time, but I know what I want to pursue, and I know what's worth my effort, worth my time (which I'll never get back), and what isn't.


It's exceptionally exhilerating, and makes life that much more so. I've never slept so well, and haven't felt this "light" in a long time. Welcome back, Jessica. I've missed you.

It's been a while -- but happy new year!

2013 was quite a year for me. I left one position to pursue another, had it fall through, and picked up where I could. I haven't done anywhere near as much in my MK business as I could have, but I do not feel a sense of regret and "Oh-I-should-haves" hanging over my head. The biggest success this year was beginning my book in February. Now, on the fin...al day of the year, I am not quite finished, but I have hit the climax and plan on finishing the first draft by the end of this coming February. For years, I've believed and somewhat acted like a writer and now I've fully come into the commitment of it and it is very empowering to know you really are who you've always believed yourself to be. Beyond the book, I've delved even further into fitness and overall health and wellness and have developed myself into being a person I love being. The only thing I would really change is that I stop over-analyzing things and that I stop spending so much time on Facebook (...).

I do not believe in doing New Year's Resolutions, because I believe people set themselves up for failure. The start of the year, the week, or the month are the most frequent times people try to start something new or change who they are. I began my novel in February, I began exercising regularly two Novembers ago, and I decided to be truly honest with myself sometime in August. But although I do not do resolutions simply because the new year is here, just like I don't really do presents just because society dictates that is what we should do on Christmas and birthdays, I will say this: 2013 had it's ups and downs as every year does. I'm certainly no where near the position in life I want to be but despite economical issues, I feel I'm steadily on the path to be the person who I know I always have been and it's absolutely fabulous. What I can promise myself, as well as to you all, that 2014 will be lived with vigor, with peace of mind, with faith and belief in myself - with patience for myself to know that I don't have to make all decisions RIGHT NOW, and that it is perfectly fine to change my mind, and without a hefty amount of procrastination or self-doubt. Who knows what it'll ring in, but I have a very positive expectation of what this new year is to bring -- my life is only going to get better.

Happy New Year!

Why I Love to Write

Hi.  Long time no see.

I feel like I must share to the world the reason I love to read, but moreso why I love to write.  It’s simple: the magic.  There is magic in writing.  There is magic in reading.  And when you write, you get to be a part of that magic.

There is something so compelling to me about being able to dive into a book, to crack its spine and smell the ink and glue, and submerse myself into the text so deeply that I forget what time it is, I forget what day it is, I forget that I’m supposed to be making dinner or getting ready for bed because I have to be up early tomorrow.  I can project myself into the world of the novel and disappear.

To be clear, wanting to disappear does not mean my life isn’t wonderful.  It is splendid!  But that says nothing to my desire to be able have the experiences of many other lives!  To be able to fly with my own wings?  To speak another language?  To wield actual magic? To experience and overcome the frustrations of life as a woman in the 1800s?  To be scared shitless and escape with barely my life, improving my character and expanding the definition of myself during that escape from tricky situations that cause me to have adrenaline rushes without ever having to ACTUALLY threaten my life?  It’s amazing and wonderful. 

And it saddens me because this world is increasingly caring less about the magic that comes from the written word.  And please, let me emphasize this: the WRITTEN word.  There is much to be gained from READING your story and your adventure versus WATCHING it on a television.  With reading, your imagination fills in most of the blocks while the author merely takes you on the journey, like you’re following a string of candies.  You’re mind is actively involved, working, processing, guessing, deducing, creating.  The details of these candies and where they take you are yours to decide and to conjure and create, so long as they remain candies along a journey that at least somewhat makes sense, which is where the author comes in.  The author gets to be a part of it – the catalyst for such an adventure to begin. 

As the author, not only are you thrilled and excited and drawn into the book as a reader, eager to read the next page, but it is, quite literally, the SAME for an author!  I myself, while writing my book, find that I can get frustrated, not by the story or what the people do (although, yes, it can be frustrating… very…) but, let’s say if I’m reading, I get frustrated that I CANNOT READ FAST ENOUGH and it’s hilarious because as I write my book, I’m interested in knowing what happens next.  I want to
“watch” the next chapter unfold in my head as though I would when I just grab a book by Rowling or Peters or King or whomever else.  But the frustration comes from the fact that YOU CAN’T KNOW unless you WRITE IT.  So you have to write it.  Do you know where it’s going?  Hell no.  Of course you don’t.  You did at the beginning.  Or at least you thought you had a direction.  And then you started fleshing out the characters, giving them quirks and idiosyncrasies while drawing on the traits that make your readers love them, and then… well, you succeed.  They become 3D characters.  And truly, I mean it when I say that 3D characters – erm... people – do whatever the hell they please, with no care to where you were going or what you were doing, or where you intended this story to go.  They just pick it up, with their little, miniature, invisible hands, and CARRY IT OFF leaving you stranded by yourself, in a dessert, with nothing but your typewriter, a stack of paper, and if you’re lucky – some booze.  Got to have booze to get the muse and genius to start chatting.  Well.  Sometimes.  It sure helps.  But the frustrating part is that you have to WRITE the story you are eager to READ, and that you yourself, the author, the “creator” they say, of these characters don’t even know where your book is going.  And neither do your characters!  Oh but they do.  They’re tricky little sons of bitches and they like to collaborate and conspire against you, doing things behind your back, changing the dynamic, wow-ing you with traits you didn’t even know they had…

And then, when your done, whether with the first or second or third or last draft – it’s like you’ve just given birth!  All this work, all the sweat and blood and tears and bloody knuckles from pounding your fists against a wall because your characters are just so. damn. stubborn pays off.  It pays off.  You succeed through the journey.  You went through the shambles, you stumbled through the rough patches, and came out with one hell of a story and adventure – and truly, memories – that you created and made real. 

The funny part about it is that you ride along with the readers as your story unfolds, and then once it’s complete, it doesn’t even feel like your story.  Sure, you did the work, you wrote, you slaved away and showed up as the muse and genius had a conversation, and sometimes an argument, and struggled as you tried to get down what both of them were yacking and trying to keep it in line with your book, and you were the one that went back and tied up the loose ends and left some to keep the readers pissed and curious at the same time… it is yours, but really, it is its own.  No one owns it.  It becomes alive.  Who was that man that said an inanimate object could not be alive?  Did anyone say that?  I’m sure they did.  But whoever the hell it was is wrong. 

And that’s the beauty, that’s the magic, of being a writer.  You create this fantastic world (and that doesn’t necessarily mean it has to be a fantasy book) and you pour all your heart and soul into this damn thing that doesn’t seem to want to go anywhere, you hate it, you love it, you cry, you scream, you pout, and then you just work, and then, BOOM.  You write the late word, and you graduate from a writer to an author.  And as proud of it as you are, as mystified as you are from the characters and the story and the plotline, it no longer feels like yours.  And so then you celebrate it, you pass it around, you publish it.  And you feel almost silly for people to be praising what you did, because again, it doesn’t feel like yours.  You were just the conduit.  And then after the celebration, you go back to your typewriter, back to your keyboard, or back to your pen and paper, and begin again.  Because that story is done.  And it was so THRILLING, you’re ready for more.  And you enter with a sense that you’ve got it this time.  It won’t rock you as hard as it did the first time.  And you’re wrong.  You’re always wrong, just like laundry is never done, and the dishes are always dirty.  But the stories are always exciting, always fun, and always fulfilling.  Here we go.  Round two.

Yeah. So I Took a Hiatus

Yeah, so it seems blogging isn't really my thing.  I have to consciously think about it and then do it when I'm thinking about it or... it doesn't happen!  Lordy, how long as it been since I've posted on this thing?  A while.  Oh well.

Some updates:  publishing job is going well!  I'm still tweaking the art of finding leads without any assistance - it's a tricky thing, but I'm pushing through! - and the editing job is going well, but because it's freelance, it's sporadic, but still great when it happens!  Hopefully, these two will become the forefront of my "profession" and I will be able to truly immerse myself in the industry of writing books and having them come to fruition!

My job at the doctor's office is going well but my hours are being cut again... I was originally working about 40-43 hours a week, and they were cut, and now, with the second cut, I will now be working (instead of 22.5 hours per week) 17.5 hours per week, and all in the afternoons instead of in the mornings.  I was initially frustrated at this afternoon thing, because I really do enjoy getting off early, but I'm looking at it as a blessing in disguise to really have time in the mornings to master getting myself out there as a resource in the publishing and editing world, and then I'll go to work at the doctor's office, and when I get home, although it will be 530-6pm (...like a normal person, I suppose.  But I like the flexibility of what I had before since I am so part-time), I will at least have the opportunity to train myself to still work in the morning and better those skills, ergo advancing myself and getting more leads for the publishing house and spending good time editing and exercising and writing my own book, and then when I DO get home from the doctor's office, at least all my responsibilities -- either self- or employer-imposed -- will be done and I don't have to worry about anything except eating dinner and enjoying time with the hubs. :)  We'll see.  I'm pretty worried about the financial portion of my cut hours, not so much the afternoon part, so I'm hoping I really can utilize these morning hours properly to boost my label out there and rock it so it doesn't  matter that my hours were cut.

So I threw out my back on Tuesday (it's Sunday).  I stretched the day I threw it, stretched Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, exercised P90X's Core Synergistics DVD on Saturday, and today, Sunday, I'll stretch it again later.  My birthday is this coming Saturday and Friday night, we're going to PBR, and I REALLY want to get on the bull, so I have to treat my lower back with care.  Here's hoping -- finger's crossed!

Nutrition is well.  I'm eating well with an occasional treat every other day - sometimes every day - but it isn't too large.  I've been eating fruit on an empty stomach, pretty much cutting out dairy as much as I possible can, eating animal protein only for dinner if I can help it, drinking a large glass of water right after I wake up, before each meal, right before bed, and then of course, whenever I'm thirsty throughout the day (I have always had a lot of water), eating a lot of veggies and fruits for snacks, and having half a plate full of veggies (eating them first) with meals, only eating whole grains and as many natural, fresh things as I can.  I'm also trying to eat a bite or two of veggies/fruits prior to any meats or carbs because that'll keep my system more alkaline since animal meats and carbs are more acidic... I think.  I don't remember, I only remember that it's good for you to do that, so I'm doing that.  Trying to eat more plant protein.  I'll never go all vegetarian, but hey, mostly vegetarian doesn't hurt.  But I still eat chicken and turkey and fish, and hey - who doesn't love bacon?

Have seriously been contemplating on getting certified in Nutrition if only to help myself and my friends who see me go all nuts about nutrition and are now asking me how to approach things and because I've read a lot, I'm able to help, but I'm not certified and I technically am not credentialed to give them advice, but I'd like to be.  Also thought about being a personal trainer in fitness, but I do think I need to stick with publishing and editing as the main job since I love it so much but I REALLY have been enjoying the nutrition and fitness, so who knows.  I just might do that.

Mary Kay is still going, but honestly, I've slowed down with it.  I'm not saying I don't want it, and I'm not saying I won't eventually be a MK Director, because I do love helping to lead and mentor women, but right now, I'm not sure I'm ready to lead and mentor them in sales.  But then again - I might be. But right now, with some craziness going on, I'm keeping it part-time.

I had a carrot with some spicy avocado hummus my amazing friend Megan made me the other night for a snack earlier and now Tim, my husband, is sitting in front of me eating Thin Mint ice cream for a snack... this is seriously frustrating because I haven't been able to exercise a lot because of my back, but I'm itching for good cardio, and even though I'm not hungry, that ice cream looks good, but everything I eat goes right to my stomach and then I complain about it - even though I am very thin and I do have good muscles; I just don't have the super cut abs I want because that's just my body type and genetics - but I still want some!  Grarr. 

Chicken's defrosting in the sink.  Was going to make zucchini boats for dinner with quinoa but I think Tim would prefer chicken with zucchini, summer squash, and tomatoes chopped up instead, so that's probably what we're going to do, but I'll probably be making quinoa here tomorrow or Tuesday.

Anyhow.  I've written in my book today, but that was the first day in TEN DAYS.  I can't let that happen again.  But with this new work schedule -- what else can I do before work?  Except work on my body, work on my book, work on my publishing and editing, and BAM.  There we go.  Work on what I want to. :)  I'm smiling, but it IS nerve-wracking.

Anyhow.  I think it's finally time that I can go start dinner despite Tim's snacking on ice cream.  Either that, or maybe we'll just have a salad for dinner and chicken tomorrow.  I could do that too.

Who knows.
I want to go hang out with someone but broke as hell right now.
Life's still great.

PS.
Started another blog last month -- only has three minor entries so far -- about what I'm learning in publishing, as an effort to establish myself as a resource.  I don't think I approached it right in the first couple posts, but here's hoping I'll figure it out.

Okay, I'm getting bored and scatterbrained and --- YOU KNOW WHAT? It's because I'm not able to exercise.  It's what happens.  Lordy.

Anyhow.

Night all :)  Happy SUMMER!

Publishing, Editing, Writing... oh my!

And persistance is awesome!

So I've got two new exciting things happening in life right now. *drum roll*

I now work in PUBLISHING *AND* EDITING!  In the search for one position in a field I desire, I got TWO!  I'm very excited to be working with Morgan James Publishing (which upon further review, research, and discussion with various people, seems to be a great company to work for!  It is more a niche market, as not every author is best suited for Morgan James, but for those who are, it works very well from what I can tell so far, and everyone who works there is fantastic and sweet and so fun while also being hard-working!) as an Acquisitions Editor.  I will be working with authors to help determine if Morgan James is the best publishing house for them, how they're different, better, etc, and how having had published a book will help make them money from a business standpoint.  (Details will be fine-tuned as I go and learn.  But I am EXTREMELY fortunate to have the staff ready and willing to help and coach me as I go.  I'm a quick learner and can figure out some stuff on my own, but it's nice to know that I have folks to lean on until I can get on my own two feet.)

And will also be doing copy editing and manuscript review for Amanda Rooker Editing!  I met with Amanda and she is a fabulous woman and her company works closely with Morgan James as well as with other authors, etc, but both David Hancock, the founder of Morgan James, and Amanda Rooker share the desire to help the authors make their book a reality and to stay true to what the author's intentions and desires are and there is so much that I like about both of these companies.  I feel very fortunate to be able to work with both of them.

:D
So needless to stay, I am simply STOKED right now!!

On top of that, I still work with the Oyster Pointer and Sylvia Weinstein, as a freelance journalist writing feature articles for them monthly, and I will still keep my patient services coordinator position at Cornerstone Private Practice, and of course, I will continue pursuing a successful business as an independent beauty consultant with Mary Kay. 

Ladies and gents... can you count?  That's five... yes, (5) [<-- for you people who need a numeric symbol to get the point] FIVE jobs!!

Needless to say, they are all part-time, but together I've become a busy girl!  But it's great because when I'm busy (not rushed, but busy), I become very productive!  So I've already received my first editing assignment and have been working on it today and am going to try to bust it out over the weekend, have had good days in Mary Kay (have often, but is more so now that I don't have time to talk myself out of doing something!), am working regularly, of course, at Cornerstone, and haven't yet started raking in the authors for Morgan James, but that is only because I'm still getting set-up and there are a few preliminary things I need to figure out so when I do reach out, I am well-rounded in the information so I can be the most effective, honest, and genuine, while being helpful and successful!

So life had gone from utterly what-in-the-bloody-hell-am-I-going-to-do-with-my-life to having five jobs, three of which are in the writing field, which I have always wanted to work.  WOOP!

AND, I'm still managing to write my book (is a priority.  I will not not write my book!), and still waking at the butt-crack of dawn to make sure I exercise 5-6 (usually six) days a week! 

Let's pray I can juggle it well. I'm pretty sure I can.  It'll just be an adjustment, because I adjusted to being very not-busy and now I need to adjust back.  But it's good.  I'm happy. :D

And I'm also very tired.  But I just HAD to tell you all the exciting news!!

I'll keep you posted as life goes on, of course.
Oh -- did you know it's snowing in some parts of Virginia?  WTF, MOTHER NATURE?! It's supposed to be SPRING!
Lordy, can't wait until steady warm weather.
Oh look! My Kota is continually rolling and ritching (sp??) around on the ground for my attention.  I must obey.

Good night all!
XOXO!!
Jessica